He Sent A Bittersweet Emotion Into My Heart

Yes, I’m everything ok because… the time is approaching when I should relocate to Asia! In fact, I’ll be probably spend one night in Singapore the thursday 21st, but I take the plane the day after for Phillipines (a trip I’ve planned looonnng ago, before knowing the existence of this smelly yet tempting durian fruit…). Then I’ll be back on 2nd of january and…I will stay there.
So that’s a good news for me since it means that I might be able to have a drink with some nice Singaporian girls…whether they are native of foreigners… I might prefer foreigners, let’s say Indonesian roots should be ok…
And Yes, I’m toooooo cool for you, since I let you go out for ladies night parties, although I should be firmly force you to take the first flight to Paris to come and hug me right here right now.
Anyway, how things are going for you? Planning some Xmas party already? Are you
working hard for your studies ? Or better working hard on the Jack Daniels and
the Martini ?
Ok, need to go now, it’s time to fo away from work. I’ll try to go to that african museum this weekend, although I say that already for 4 months….how bad I am in organization.
Take care Christina!


December 1, 2006 at 7:37 pm Leave a comment

….And Then There’s Stu.

Right now I’m feeling somewhere between wanting to jump happily and wanting to curse like shit. See,yesterday me and Farah went out to Velvet, without so much expectation since Farah said the crowds had not been so great anymore these days. But I felt like partying so much(..not to mention,that I really need to get new numbers), so I decided to drag her out eventhou it didn’t sound too promising.

“We can just check it out and if the crowd really sucks, we can just go back. It’s flexible, we have nothing to lose anyway..”

So there we went. And I thought I looked SMOKIN’ last night! I borrowed Farah’s sexy translucent blouse, and I completed my look with such a hot shorts, so short that you could see my buttcheek and if you’re too lucky(..or unlucky??!) my knuckles as well. I had to be careful not to bend or something like that, or some guys might faint in the process! HA! No,seriously, I looked G-O-O-D. I thought so. Let’s see what the guys thought…

We really didn’t expect it, but Velvet was packed!!! And the first thing I saw when I got in was…Mike.


Why was he there???!!! Gawd, I was feeling so awkward cos one, I don’t like Mike that way, and two, the previous day I had been kinda scolded him. But anyway, Farah was of course, completely estatic because Ming was there too. So it was funny the way I kept trying to avoid the guys and how Farah was trying so hard to get noticed. I was practically hiding behind the bar and hoping that Mike wouldn’t see me. Shit!

Anyway..the crowd was great, but there were still mostly cinpurs. I saw some caucasians of course, but no one in particular. We bought 2 rounds of lychee martinis, and some guys started talking to us. Hmm, I only remember one name, Charles, this guy was that goofy-goofy kind, I thought he looked not so bad, but a big no-no for his attempt to be funny. So lame.

“You look beautiful in the dark, but I can never be sure about how you look in the light. Here, let’s take picture and see,” he teased me. We took picture with his phone and I don’t know,I don’t really care.

We were moving back and forth,me trying to avoid Mike, and Farah, trying to look at Ming, and some other guys, a very ugly indian-singaporean talked to us, I was personally very disgusted and we left him, saying we wanted to hang in the bar. He looked as if he knew we were not interested at him, he was shrugging and his face looked ‘whatever’.

In the bar, I met another guy, Zoran, he’s not local, but I didn’t know where he was from. He was bald and not that good-looking, but his friend was. A Malay guy who looked cheerful and happy, his spiky hair was cut short and I thought he was cute. His name was Kelvin. We talked for a while, and they asked us to join them for drinks in the couch, but I told them I wanted to stay in the bar instead. Again, another ‘hey-whatever’ look. I hate that look.

At that time, we were about to order another drinks, when suddenly Mike appeared. My mouth was hanging open because suddenly he was in front of me. Get a grip, girl. Well, to make things short, by the end of the night, I was talking to Mike, Farah was smooching with the very drunk Ming, and their friend, Stu, was incredibly cute, in my opinion. I was trying hard to get his attention but it was hard to do when Mike was literally holding me like a sick puppy. The event consisted around Ming spilled water all over my shirt and said ‘I like the wet-you’ while staring at my translucent blouse, again Ming took the pin off my hair and playfully mess my hair, I got spanked 2 times in the butt by…gosh,I don’t know who! Maybe it’s Simon!…me and Stu talking, he’s apparently from UK, and him taking lots of pictures of us(us meaning not me and him, but us meaning Farah and Ming, me and Mike, 4 of us together..)..damn! In the end, I took the initiative to take picture together with Stu, thou, but it was using his phone! In the end, we exchanged numbers and we headed to the RnB room.

RnB room was hot, the music was hot, and I was in my role, dancing and enjoying myself. Mike was constantly in my side, he was like my bodyguard, previously Kelvin approached me and told me that Zoran wanted me to come, but MIke was like “I’m her bodyguard!” and wouldn’t let me leave. Personally, at that time, I didn’t mind, cos I didn’t like Zoran even a tiny bit. Kelvin finally left after saying “Jangan nakal ya!”. Such a cutie.

By the end of the night, I saw Zoran and Kelvin again, and one of their friend, an old French guy with lots of beard. I approached them, talked to them, and Zoran asked my number. I didn’t mind giving my number, if I don’t like them, I could choose to ignore it later, it’s not a biggie for me at all, but apparently it was for Mike, cos he just ran off.


So, only me, Farah, Ming and Stu went out to had breakfast at Spize. Which I’m not complaining at all, because it gives me reason to lean my head on Stu’s shoulder the whole time, and fed him the prata. Aaaw!!!!!!!! He’s such a nice guy, helping me to text Mike back, and make sure Ming was safe back at home. Ming was totally wasted. Before we took a cab to Spize, there’s this rather cool-scary looking guy who kept holding my hands and trying to get me home, and Farah already said ‘No,she’s coming home with me’, but this guy kept hanging around. I don’t even know who he is! But he kept trying to hold my hand! I was dissapointed that Stu didn’t ‘help’ me, thou! But then again, he said later that we should all go from this fucking piss, cos, “he’s interested in both of you girls”, quoted.

I don’t mind, as long as I could be with Stu!!!!!!!!

AND HE FED ME PRATA TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


We went back at about 6 or so, and took Ming home. Stu even went out with Ming to make sure he got home safely, I think he might be sleeping there too! It was 7 in the morning and they had to be in the office at 9!!!!!!!!!!! poor Stu…and Ming..

I don’t think Stu is interested in me that way, but whatever happens, I’m glad last night happened. I’m glad I got to lean my head on his shoulder the whole time in Spize. I’m glad I got to hug him in the end when we were about to depart.

I might never see him again, he might not even remember who I am the next time I see him, I guess that’s life.


November 30, 2006 at 1:52 pm Leave a comment

I Feel Like Shit

You know your life is kinda pathetic when your mom’s handphone rings more than yours. What happened to me and my busy life? It kinda throws the concept of me being a busy bee out of the window,doesn’t it?

The truth is, I feel like shit. I miss Erik like crazy and only God-knows where the hell and what in the name of Joseph he is doing right now. I haven’t heard from him for a few days and he hasn’t returned my email yet. Okay,okay,I totally sound like a clingy girlfriend, WHICH I am not even in that status yet, but I just…maybe I’m stupid, but I hope he likes me good enough to want me to be his girlfriend. And why is that, I don’t freaking know. I like him, I really do, and I just want him to like me back. The same way.

All these times, he seems like he’s just equally into me, if not more. He’s more aggresive and he told me really nice things, but heck, what do I know about french people??!! I chatted with Matt yesterday and he was beyond shocked that I like a french guy. He said, there’s nothing good about them! Ha! Harsh, don’t you think? Well, he said french people are very manipulative and can’t be trusted.

Guess I just have to hope that ‘my’ Erik isn’t happily married in France! FUCK!

Shit,motherfucker,fuck shit! I’m just missing him and my pride is too high to message him first!! AARGH! Erik!! Why are you doing this to me??! You’re too mean!!!

Damn,look at me. I’m super pathetic. I can’t wait for Mom to go back home so I can have my privacy back. I’m sick of having NO space at all. I’m sick of not being able to sleep peacefully! I’m sick of hearing snores! I’m sick of EVERYTHING! I just want everything to go back to normal!

I need my happy pill.

November 22, 2006 at 12:24 pm Leave a comment

My Irish Guy

And he said this…

hey how are you??? i havent seen you online in ages? you must of got married
to one of your 70 different boyfrinds ha ha ha!!!! and are kept otherwise busy!


you certainly shouldn’t not marry any off the 70 boyfriends!!! you should come straight to Ireland for a holiday!!! let this charming Irish guy romance and take care of you for a while!!! ha ha!

ah i do miss a little, ok a lot, no one to make me laugh or to increase my heart rate online ha ha!!!what have been up to….im back working and trying to save but electing to drink and party instead ha ha!!!! its a vicous circle! HELP ha ha!!!!

He really is adorable. And he’s one of just a few people I can really talk to online. You know,not those flirtatious lines and forgettable topics. With him, I can really have a good laugh.

Jonny boy, I kinda miss you too.

November 22, 2006 at 12:08 pm Leave a comment

“Not A Chance,Young Lady”

Him: Glad you remember me,young lady

Me: I was starting to worry that you’ve forgotten all about me

Him: Not a chance,young lady.

Him: You are still on the outskirts of my mind.

I like the way he calls me ‘young lady’ and his last words make me smile.

So he might not be the most romantic or the most good-looking guy ever, but he’s sweet and decent. Geeky, a bit.

And everybody who knows me knew I like geeky guys. Ha!

November 20, 2006 at 3:45 pm Leave a comment

The Other Side of Drinkin’

Gawd, I feel so exhausted I think I could have passed out any moment soon. Can you have too much fun?Too many parties?Too much drinks? Cos if you can, then I’m definitely under that category now.

Headed to Suba last Wednesday when I drank not one,not two,not three,but seven fucking cosmopolitan, and I don’t know how many little shots of only-God-knows, the fucking gay Bernard kept feeding us with drinks like he wanted to make us all drunk. Felt a bit dizzy already at that time, then we went to Zouk for our next party, but yeah, I couldn’t focus anymore cos of the damn alcohol in my system, I kinda remember everything in a blurry details. Met Rash and his friends whom I grabbed like nobody’s business, and they’re not even good-looking. Ew! I contaminated my own hands! And the fucking gay showed up again with his friends, whom, I guess I kinda grabbed again, but I couldn’t be sure since duh! I was drunk! But I guess I made some impression cos I found some guy’s business card in my purse the next day. Oh,and that night I kept drinkin champagnes and all those things again. Appreciate the offer,guys,but you shouldn’t have given me more seeing my then-condition.

But fuck! Got back at 4 something in the morning and dozed off immediately at Farah’s place. Went back to my own place in the afternoon and my stomach felt like shit. I think I slept again the rest of the afternoon and I don’t fucking care. Just last night I went out to Suba again, the initial plan was just to accompany babe to return some of fucking gay’s things but we stayed there til midnight eventually. Was with Elsa,Honghong,Alyssa last night, and Manly and Troy, followed by Honghong’s boyfriend later on. It was a nice crowd but as I sipped the large huge glass of Hoergaarden and lychee martini and fucking other shots, my stomach got all bloated and I felt disgusted with myself. Headed home a little after midnight with babe and Rash.

There’s some fabulous things about partying and getting wild, but getting your stomach’s all bloated up is not one of them.

November 18, 2006 at 12:10 pm Leave a comment

I Could Have An Orgasm Right Here and Now

Oh.My.God. This is it. The moment that caught my heart, the moment that sent my heart flutter and beat ten times harder and louder than usual, the moment that set my brain to go motionless, the moment that weaken my knees, the moment that made me grin from ear to ear and the moment that confirmed that I had it, hard. I have fallen without any safety net and it felt exhilirating, thrilling, and so damn great.

I felt nothing whatsoever when I got into my room and grabbed my phone to take some pictures. And there it was. The most beautiful thing ever.

The word that said “1 new message. From:Erik”

I swear my heart stopped pounding for at at least a full 10 seconds. And I JUMPED. I JUMPED WITH JOY. I JUMPED LIKE A LITTLE KID WHO JUST GOT HERSELF A CANDY. I JUMPED LIKE I HAVE WON THE LOTTERY.


I was OVERWHELMED with HAPPINESS and I felt GIDDY from my head to my toe. I might have wetted my pants for a little. And it might sound silly, but I didn’t DARE to open the message because I wanted to treasure the moment seeing the word ‘From:Erik’ forever.


And I don’t freaking care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! See!!!I couldn’t even stop LAUGHING AND SMILING LIKE LUNATIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I even took a picture of THAT WORD just to remind me of this moment…AAHHH!!!!


I don’t think I have ever felt this way towards a guy before. I’m Ms.Cool! I SHOULD BE THE ONE SENDING GUYS’ HEARTS TO FLUTTER AND OVERCOMED WITH JOY!!! This is new territory to me and tell you what, it felt sooooooooooooooooooo good….

For what it seems like an eternity, finally I click on VIEW button, and there it was again…..his message. AND MY HEART DID THE FLUTTERING THING AGAIN!!!!! It was not a long romantic message but my heart still feels it nonetheless. Don’t deny what the heart says. And it’s now saying that I’m officially……..OBSESSED with this guy!



And his message says,

Hi! It’s early morning here, still dark, I’m in an expensive Parisian taxi, dressed in a serious suit…But I’m just f* nothing if I can’t bite in my durian fruit!

Short and simple. Yet it sent my body to fly. It’s a funny joke between the two of us that I’m a durian. Does that mean he misses me too??????????

I can’t fucking take it!!!!! I want HIM!! I want HIM right here and now!!!!!! I don’t care that he’s in Paris and I’m stuck here pathetically in my flat in Singapore, I want to tell him that I miss him badly!

And so I did. I sent him a message back saying just that. No, I didn’t say ‘I miss you so badly’ cos that would make me look very cheap, right? Ah, but he knows me, we understand each other’s humor and that’s what I like about him. He’s more than just pretty face and sexy accent. He has good minds and we’re never short on topics when we’re together…just like that night when we spent hours and hours talking.

Even when we just talked rubbish, it felt REAL and SINCERE.


Yes!! Yes, I would wait for you,Erik!!!! You told me to wait, and here I am, falling free for you and unless I don’t meet someone as good as you, for all I care, by next January, I will have been all yours.

It’s not everyday someone could actually make you feel like you’re on top of the world and nothing else matters. And that is what I feel exactly. I feel soooooo good and maybe here he is. 

I feel like screaming again.


Have I gone INSANEEEEEEEEEE???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

November 14, 2006 at 7:11 am Leave a comment

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